Caregiving for a
Cancer Patient
November 21, 2005 is forever burned into my family’s memory. This is the day my wife Heather was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma, a rare and extremely deadly type of cancer. This is the day I took on a role I wasn't prepared for: caregiver to a cancer patient. Just three months earlier, we had celebrated the birth of our first daughter and were looking forward to our first holiday as a family of three with Lily. Instead of enjoying holiday festivities, we slid into complete chaos as we began a long and difficult battle with cancer.
Providing care and support for my wife's cancer battle started before we left the doctor's office. After giving us the diagnosis, our doctor explained to us a little bit about Mesothelioma. We had three choices for her specialty care: a local university hospital, a regional hospital with an outstanding reputation, but without a developed mesothelioma program, or a renowned mesothelioma specialist in Boston named Dr. David Sugarbaker. I looked to my wife for some input as to what choice she would want to pursue, but she remained silent. She was in shock and disbelief. I took charge and stated, "Get us to Boston," the first of many decisions I'd have to help make regarding Heather's care.
For the next two months, our lives went from routine to chaos. We had both been working full time before the diagnosis, and now I was the only one working, as Heather had to leave her job to focus on beating her cancer. I had work, and doctor's appointments as well as making travel arrangements to and from Boston, all while taking care of our precious daughter Lily. I was overwhelmed and facing fears I hadn't been prepared to face, thinking about losing my wife to cancer and being left a broke, widowed single father. Several times, I found myself bawling on the kitchen floor, the emotions too overwhelming to hold back. Being Heather's rock and putting up a strong front carried me through and allowed me to focus on being supportive for her.
We were so blessed with help from friends, family and even total strangers. We were offered comforting words, financial help and an outpouring of love that helped lighten the load. If I could share any advice from my journey it would be to take help if it is offered, in any form. Every little thing that takes a burden off of your shoulders is such a blessing, and we can't begin to thank all of the people who offered us this kindness.
The role of caregiver for someone with cancer is hard. You experience so many emotions, so much fear and so much uncertainty. There is no end goal that you can look forward to like so many other obstacles in life. You can't walk away, give up or give into your emotions. You can have bad days where you confront your fear and stress, but you can't give up hope.
After her treatment, which included mesothelioma surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, Heather is now cancer free. We are seven years out from her mesothelioma diagnosis and are learning to enjoy a new normal.
This battle taught me to tap into my stubbornness and that time is precious. I made the decision two years after Heather's diagnosis to go back to school for Information Technology, while still working full time and caring for Heather and our daughter Lily. The battle with mesothelioma taught me how to balance stress and time commitments, preparing me for the challenge of finishing school. I graduated with honors and spoke at my graduation about our journey and how I would have never pictured myself up on that stage, giving that speech, just a few years earlier. My message was about never losing hope and believing in ourselves even against insurmountable odds. I told my fellow graduates how my wife taught me that within each of us is the strength to accomplish unbelievable things, if we only believe in ourselves and never stop fighting for the ones we love.
-Cameron Von St. James
November 21, 2005 is forever burned into my family’s memory. This is the day my wife Heather was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma, a rare and extremely deadly type of cancer. This is the day I took on a role I wasn't prepared for: caregiver to a cancer patient. Just three months earlier, we had celebrated the birth of our first daughter and were looking forward to our first holiday as a family of three with Lily. Instead of enjoying holiday festivities, we slid into complete chaos as we began a long and difficult battle with cancer.
Providing care and support for my wife's cancer battle started before we left the doctor's office. After giving us the diagnosis, our doctor explained to us a little bit about Mesothelioma. We had three choices for her specialty care: a local university hospital, a regional hospital with an outstanding reputation, but without a developed mesothelioma program, or a renowned mesothelioma specialist in Boston named Dr. David Sugarbaker. I looked to my wife for some input as to what choice she would want to pursue, but she remained silent. She was in shock and disbelief. I took charge and stated, "Get us to Boston," the first of many decisions I'd have to help make regarding Heather's care.
For the next two months, our lives went from routine to chaos. We had both been working full time before the diagnosis, and now I was the only one working, as Heather had to leave her job to focus on beating her cancer. I had work, and doctor's appointments as well as making travel arrangements to and from Boston, all while taking care of our precious daughter Lily. I was overwhelmed and facing fears I hadn't been prepared to face, thinking about losing my wife to cancer and being left a broke, widowed single father. Several times, I found myself bawling on the kitchen floor, the emotions too overwhelming to hold back. Being Heather's rock and putting up a strong front carried me through and allowed me to focus on being supportive for her.
We were so blessed with help from friends, family and even total strangers. We were offered comforting words, financial help and an outpouring of love that helped lighten the load. If I could share any advice from my journey it would be to take help if it is offered, in any form. Every little thing that takes a burden off of your shoulders is such a blessing, and we can't begin to thank all of the people who offered us this kindness.
The role of caregiver for someone with cancer is hard. You experience so many emotions, so much fear and so much uncertainty. There is no end goal that you can look forward to like so many other obstacles in life. You can't walk away, give up or give into your emotions. You can have bad days where you confront your fear and stress, but you can't give up hope.
After her treatment, which included mesothelioma surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, Heather is now cancer free. We are seven years out from her mesothelioma diagnosis and are learning to enjoy a new normal.
This battle taught me to tap into my stubbornness and that time is precious. I made the decision two years after Heather's diagnosis to go back to school for Information Technology, while still working full time and caring for Heather and our daughter Lily. The battle with mesothelioma taught me how to balance stress and time commitments, preparing me for the challenge of finishing school. I graduated with honors and spoke at my graduation about our journey and how I would have never pictured myself up on that stage, giving that speech, just a few years earlier. My message was about never losing hope and believing in ourselves even against insurmountable odds. I told my fellow graduates how my wife taught me that within each of us is the strength to accomplish unbelievable things, if we only believe in ourselves and never stop fighting for the ones we love.
-Cameron Von St. James
